Melanie Spiller and Coloratura Consulting
Copyright 2020 Melanie Spiller. All rights reserved.
Shaggy Dog Stories: the Scientist and the Seagulls
Melanie Spiller and Coloratura Consulting
Once upon a time there was a scientist whose experiments focused on longevity. He worked for an enormous
corporation, heavily funded by the government. Each year, he applied for funding to support his various
projects.
One year, he discovered that serum made from the blood of seagulls extended the lives of dolphins. He was
quite excited by this, and even though it wasn’t us usual time of year for funding applications, he thought his
discovery had significance for the human race, and so he filed the paperwork and continued working hard in
his laboratories.
There was no immediate response, but, sure that he was onto something, he applied for a patent.
There were now two governmental agencies who’d heard about his work, one from his request for funding and
the other from the patent office. After considerable delay, the scientist decided to continue his work unfunded
and unprotected by patent, he was too excited about the significance for the human race.
The government, being what it is, grew concerned about his research and whether extending the lives of
humans or animals was in some way “acting like God.” They denied the funding and the patent and asked the
scientist to cease and desist.
But the scientist knew he was onto something and he couldn’t stop his studies. He was given other projects by
the corporation, but he’d stealthily move some of those resources into his own beloved project.
Others at the company knew. There was seagull blood stored in the refrigerators with the other genetic matter
and there were huge tanks containing live dolphins that needed to e fed. Everyone thought that the government
would see the value of this research, and secretly, they let him continue his studies.
After a while, the corporation got concerned that they might lose their government funding for other projects,
and they told him in no uncertain terms to stop his work. But he just couldn’t. He knew he was truly learning
something useful.
The work with seagulls and dolphins was fascinating. It was all he could think about. So he began to sneak in
after hours to use the facility.
The corporation was worried about its bottom line and their own future, so after he’d be told clearly and simply
to stop his work and not to work after hours, he was put on probation—oe more such incident and he would be
fired. But he persisted and continued to sneak in. He was always the first one into the office every morning and
the last to leave each night, and he was surely to be found hard at work n the weekends.
The security guards had been told not to let him in the building after hours, but he kept finding a way. They
tried all kinds of things—cameras, alarms, those fancy laser things that they use to protect artwork. But he
always found a way to do his work in the building. Eventually, he was fired.
With all his research withing the big glass building, he devised various methods for breaking in, forging
fingerprints and retinal scans, and bribing guard dogs with huge slabs of tranquilized meat.
Finally, the laboratory realized that they had to go to extremes to bar this mono-maniac from their labs.
Through a special program, they agreed to borrow lions from the local zoo that would parade the halls at night
and keep everyone out, even the security guards.
The scientist was undeterred. He got some tranquilizers, learned to shoot them from a gun, and snuck past the
sleeping lions with his precious seagull serum, destined form his timely dolphins.
In the end, the corporation found a solution. The scientist was arrested for transporting gulls across sedate lions
for immortal porpoises.